Dietatian appointment today…in like an hour…FREAKING out. i need to try and be 100% honest with her about how much i’m struggling. I’m so nervous. but i need to try it
Majorly struggling right now….i didn’t work out today and i’m trying very hard to not workout today but i feel gigantic and huge and i am so uncomfortable in my body right now. I’m going to dinner with my older brother which is making me even more stressed out. I meet with my nutritionist and therapist tomorrow and i know its perfect timing because i need it but there a part of me that just wants to call it quits. I’m so tired. I know i wasn’t ready to leave treatment….i just wish sooooo badly that i was. that i was doing better. that i felt stronger
Its my dads birthday today. I miss him like hell today. UGH i fucking hate this. i miss him way too much. I hate not having a dad anymore
My scale at home says i weigh 4 pounds more then my nutritionists scale sad 4 days ago. 4. pounds. And i am FREAKING out soooo badly right now.I want to cry. I can’t stand this anymore. I don’t know why i bother stepping on that scale ever because i KNOW it never makes me feel good dn i KNOW it never makes me happy. But i’m freaking out and i don’t know if I can trust my nutritionists scale because of the huge difference. I don’t know what to think. Any advice? i could really use some help. I’m freaking out SO badly.
i’m not one of those people who are like 'i wouldn't change having an eating disorder. if i had the chance to go back i wouldn't because it's shaped me as a person'. If I could go back or change the fact I developed an eating disorder, I would in a heartbeat. It’s ruined my life and it’s shaped me into a horrible person. I would give up everything to go back to before my eating disorder developed, wave a magic wand and continue my life as amazing as it was.
resisting super strong exercise urges right now. Ask questions if you wanna help distract me? I’d appreciate it! I’m really trying today to do what i need to do and get back on track. i’ve had a pretty bad past few days and i need to get my shit together. Its my last night of my program and i’m freaking out because i know i’m not doing nearly as well as i should be. I have a whole team set up so i should feel a little better about that. I have a nutrition appointment and then a primary care dr appointment tomorrow, so hopefully that helps me get back on track. I’m going to be completely honest with my new treatment team and tell them how i’m really doing and how awful and loud my eating disorder thoughts have been lately. fingers crossed! Hope you all have a great day!